Courtesy Ramblings

Courtesy is a variable thing; IMO it can be context-specific.

Strangely enough (or not), I find myself thinking about courtesy most when I’m driving. In the North Toronto area I cut through to get to Bayview after dropping my son off at school, the streets are fairly narrow and parking is allowed on both sides of the street. As a result, people who drive through there regularly know the rules of courtesy: since there is only enough room to allow traffic flow in one direction or another, you need to duck in and out of the parking pockets on either side of the road to alternate who gets to go through.

Some people don’t follow this simple rule. Usually, they seem to be SUV drivers … although it could be that SUVs simply stand out more by virtue of occupying more space. Equally, when I’m late (i.e. at the end of the day when I’m trying to get to the daycare before closing time), I sometimes push the limits of the rule and go after the person ahead of me as opposed to pulling over to let the next person go from the opposite direction.

Adding to the complexity of navigation in this area is the land value – which is high – leading to the unfortunate yet commonplace result in Toronto these days: home renovations (or rebuilds). So much construction is taking place on these side streets that you find trucks blocking roads, contractors parked not to the side but rather in the middle of the driving lane, pylons covering sink holes and other fun potential road hazards impeding driver progress.

So let’s keep it simple. Here are the top 5 courtesies required for navigating narrow, parked up Toronto streets without incident (IMO):

1. Take Turns

Everyone needs to use that single lane. When you have two vehicles who need to get past each other, whoever arrived first gets to go and whoever arrives second needs to pull into the first gap in the parked up section of the road in order to let the other vehicle pass. Then the second vehicle gets to go.

This does NOT mean that just because I pulled to the side to let the first vehicle go, five more vehicles get to use that opening. No. You are expected to be courteous and alternate.

2. Don’t Park in the Middle of the Road

Attention all contractors. Just because you’ve had a long day dealing with a renovation does NOT mean you have the right to park in the middle of the road to get your work done. Public spaces people. We all have to share them.

3. Don’t Park in the Middle of Your Right-of-Way Traffic Lane

Another contractor favourite. I actually saw this the other day. There was space to park properly on Elm Road, but no … the truck was parked in the middle of the oncoming lane so that nobody could get by. Not courteous at all.

4. Four Way Stops – A Refresher

Four way stops are there for everyone to stop. Whoever arrives first gets to go. Period.

5. Pedestrians Are Squishy

This is an addendum to the Four Way Stop rule. Pedestrians get to go first. Always.

So there you have it. My courtesotic thoughts for the day. :)

Top 5 Driving Courtesies (plus a bonus)

As Sunday night wanes and the dreaded anticipation of Monday begins, the realization that driving will be involved rears up to face you in the mirror. You know -- that look you give yourself over the washbasin or sink as you're brushing your teeth and washing your face before bed. The one which, if work is what you're going to be doing when you wake up, steels you to the week ahead.

Part of my week involves driving. Driving son to camp or school; driving down from there to work; driving back up from work at the end of the day. Repeat daily as required.

With all that driving, I see some pretty crazy things. Bad fashion. Bad drivers. Cyclists with a death wish. Bus drivers confused over the whole right-of-way by-law and just how much justified power it does or does not give them on the roads.

So in honour of an impending Monday morning, I give you my list of Top 5 Driving Courtesies (Top 5 with a bonus!):

#5: Signal Your Intentions
We all learned it in Driver's Ed. Check where you want to go by looking quickly in that direction, check your rear view mirror, check your side mirrors, check your blind spot ... all while using those handy dandy directional signals. You know the ones. The lever is right beside your steering wheel (attached, no less) and generally makes this lovely clicking sound when engaged.

Small reminder: put your directional signal ON before doing any of the following:
(a) changing lanes
(b) parking, or pulling into a parking spot -- whether on the street or in a lot.

#4: Develop a Little Bit of Aggression
You're in the left turn lane. You have your signal going. It's morning rush hour, and there is a long line of people waiting to make the turn. Oh yeah -- and there is no advance green.

Suggestion: if you find yourself part way into the intersection on the orange, and you can do it, just go. Really. The people behind you will thank you.

#3: Bikers, Watch Yourselves
Just a wee reminder for those cyclists out there. You are squishy. And you are mortal. If you hit a car (or a vehicle hits you) with enough force, you will die -- or suffer painfully in hospital for an extended stay.

With that in mind, #3 on my list -- Bikers, remember to actually LOOK before cutting into a lane. Oh, and a two-fer here ... Bikers, remember to wear your helmets. Especially when cutting off a minivan in traffic. It's important to save your brain, even if you've broken every other bone in your body.

#2: Open Doors With Caution
Before you get out of your newly parked vehicle on the street, check your rear and/or side mirrors for oncoming traffic. Unless, of course, you really want to replace that door. In which case please, by all means, continue to open your door wide into approaching traffic.

#1: Tailgating
Don't do it. It's dangerous at high speeds, and freakin' annoying no matter what. I don't care that you have a slick ride. I don't care that you feel you have to show off to your significant other, desired or real. I don't care that you're in a rush. What do I care about is the extent to which you are pumping up my stress level wondering whether or not your front bumper is going to kiss my back one.

Be forewarned. When annoyed by tailgaters, I have a habit of braking. Suddenly. And blocking two lanes. Just to piss you off.

And now, a final bonus ...

Thank You's ARE Important
Did someone let you into their lane of traffic when nobody else would? Say thank you. Nod, wave your hand, smile. Whatever works for you. But the key here is to acknowledge the courtesy of others with politeness and a thank you of some kind.

What are your pet driving courtesy peeves? Feel free to share!

Top 5 Reasons to be Courteous to Yourself

It's hard to be decent to yourself. I know it.

With work and family or school and work (did I mention work?), it's hard to give yourself permission to treat yourself with the same courtesy you expect from others. But let's take a step back a minute and think about this. Treating other people better than you treat yourself? Even without becoming a selfish member of the Me! Me! Me! generation, does that really make sense?

I think not.

And on that note ... here are the Top 5 reasons to be decent to yourself:

5. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't have the mental energy, strength or resilience to do all of those things you have to do in your life -- including taking care of those around you.

4. If you don't respect yourself and your time, nobody else will either.

3. Treating yourself badly will leave you feeling frustrated, angry and/or depressed. Like you don't have value. And that's no good, right?

2. If you can't give courtesy to yourself, how can you recognize how to behave courteously towards others?

And ... finally ...

1. If you don't do it, who else is going to do it for you?

Top 5 Situational TTC Courtesies

Riding the rocket, taking the better way ... more than one million of us take public transit to and from work or school or fun every day.

We've all heard of road rage, that urge to commit violence (or at the very least voice-raising and the throwing of large, heavy objects) while driving. But what about those of us on the buses and trains in this city?

A little courtesy goes a long way. Let's revisit some of the fundamentals.

Situation #1: A person with greying hair, a cane or just generally older gets onto the bus. You are under the age of 25 or 30 and are sitting in the "priority seating for elderly or handicapped" seats at the front of the bus. What should you do?

Answer: Give up your seat! One day, you'll be old too ... and I'm sure you'll appreciate the courtesy of a young'un giving up their place to help you rest your weary bones.

Situation #2: An obviously pregnant woman gets on the packed bus or subway car. You are sitting comfortably reading your book. What do you do?

Answer #2: Again -- give up your seat!! If you had to think about it, you're an idiot.

Situation #3: Crowded rush hour train. You have a backpack. Do you (a) leave it on, no matter how many people are there on the train; or (b) put your bag on the floor between your legs?

Answer #3: Survey says ... (b): drop and stow. I personally think this is a bit of a grey area, especially in the middle of winter with all that slushy business happening, but I can understand the inadvertently-whacked-with-a-knapsack sensation being distinctly annoying.

Situation #4: You see a lineup at the bus stop. You see the bus approaching. Do you (a) step up to the front of the line just as the bus is pulling up, (b) merge with the people getting onto the bus so that you're not the first one on but not the last one either, or (c) get to the back of the line and wait your turn.

Answer #4: Despite frequent evidence to the contrary ... the answer is (c): get to the back of the line! What, you think that your lucky arrival just in time to catch that bus also gives you a right to get on before those people who actually got there beforehand and waited? Um, NO. It's called courtesy people!

Situation #5: Again, it's rush hour. You need tokens or tickets. There is one window open and a huge lineup. Do you (a) make everyone wait while you find your cash, (b) have your cash in hand by the time you get to the window, or (c) step aside so that other people can get through while you rummage for the cash to pay for your tokens?

Answer #5: The ideal situation is (b), plan ahead. But, failing that, at the very least (c): get out of the way while you rummage so that everyone doesn't have to suffer as a result of your poor planning or organization.

See? It's easy! Just a few simple rules to make the shared transit experience a better one for everyone.

Do you have more pet peeves? If so, send them my way.

Top 5 Workplace Dis-Courtesies

Work.

Forty hours or more each week spent with people we probably don't love and we definitely didn't choose to share space with for an extended period of time. Still, we all need to make money so we try to find the least painful way of doing it.

That being said, there are a few actions to be avoided at all costs.

1. Not washing your hands after using the bathroom.
That's just gross -- and it also helps spread all those lovely viruses and bugs that always seem to shoot though an office with incredible speed no matter how many vitamins you take.

2. Interrupting someone who is eating at their desk.
Chances are, they are eating at their desk (rather than in the lunch room or with you) because [a] they have a lot of work to do, or [b] they just don't want to have to talk to anyone for a few minutes. Either way, interrupting a person in this state is rude. See them eating? Come back again later.

3. Yelling.
Don't do it. No, really -- just don't.

4. Flaming emails copying upper management in situations that really don't warrant it.
I know you want to cover your ass and prove that you are Master of the Universe. But come on -- it just makes you look like an idiot.

5. I'll think of something to put here tomorrow. :)

Top 5 List of Facebook Dis-Courtesies

Facebook is a useful and addictive opportunity for people to form social connections and keep up with existing friends. Unfortunately, it's also a great way to alienate co-workers and piss off your acquaintances.

Want to network using FB as a tool? Go for it. Just a few key scenarios you might want to avoid:

1. Party Planning Do's and Don'ts (Part 1)
Don't throw a party, invite some of your friends (or co-workers) and not others -- and then make the event public so everyone who is not invited can see that you have excluded them.

Privacy options people. Use them.

2. Party Planning Do's and Don'ts (Part 2)
Following up on the same logic, if you throw a party (or, say, a wedding) and choose not to invite a chunk of people on your friends list -- especially if they're friends with the ones you invited -- do yourself and everyone else a favour. Make that photo album of memories a private one. Say, between you and the people you actually invited to your event.

3. The Anti-Networking Tool
If you're a Facebook friend with some of the people you work with, and another co-worker adds you, don't ignore them. Makes it really obvious that as friendly as you may be at work, you don't really like them. Especially when you've added everyone else who sent you an invite. That person may be responsible for hiring (or making a recommendation on hiring) for a job you really want one day -- and now that they know how you feel about them, they won't be hiring or recommending you.

4. Getting Back In Touch Etiquette
Think you know someone? Haven't spoken with them in years? Poke them -- or better yet send them a message -- before adding them as a friend. Remember those older people who used to call your home when you were a kid? The ones who would say "do you know who this is?" rather than just introducing themselves as Great-Aunt-Julie on your paternal mother's side of the family? Yeah, it's like that.

5. Limited Profile Feature
Can you write on all of your Facebook friends' walls? Or do some of these so-called friends have you on a limited view option? Unless these are actually distant acquaintances (i.e. someone you met at a conference somewhere a few years back) the writing is -- or in this case is not -- on the wall. This person is not actually your friend. Depending on how much this reality annoys you, your recourse is to either put them on limited access to your profile as well ... or drop them as a FB friend altogether, on principle.

Facebook is a great way to reconnect with friends you haven't seen in years. But if you're not careful, you'll end up losing as many "friends" and potential opportunities as you gain.